- Lime(s), sliced into wedges
- A big bottle of your favourite Tequila
- Shot glass(es)
- Salt. (obviously)
Step 1: Try to locate the contact form or email address on the provider’s website to which you can send a cancellation email.
If you find none: Lick the salt off your hand, down the shot and bite the lime. This procedure is henceforth referred to as “taking a shot”.
Step 2: Try to locate the physical address to which you can send a cancellation letter by snail mail on the provider’s website.
If you find none: take a shot.
Step 3: Try to locate the FAQ section that will list the phone number to call if you wish to cancel your contract. Dial the phone number from the cell phone for which you wish to cancel the contract.
If you have to press “1” to confirm that you wish to cancel your contract despite the fact that you called the special number dedicated to the sole purpose of cancelling your contract, take a shot. Actually, Pleonasm alert: take two!
For every single time you hear “All of our staff are busy right now, thank you for your patience -> take a shot.
When you get to speak to a live body after 15 minutes on hold and they pretend to only speak French, take a shot.
When you then switch the conversation to French and they suddenly revert to English with a bloody Scouse accent, take a shot.
When you state your request and then suddenly get disconnected by the SALT customer representative: Screw the shots and down the bottle, darlings.
Step 4: Dial the special phone number again, this time from a landline.
All the above drinking rules still apply, no cheating, folks.
If you are humming along with SALTs endless background loop, until your call is answered, take two shots each time you hum.
When you finally get to speak to a live body and they ask you if you “really” want to cancel your contract, take a shot.
If the representative asks you to explain why you are cancelling and puts you back on hold after you list various shortcomings in their services, mainly the complete lack thereof while abroad, take a shot for every minute you are back on hold.
If after ten additional minutes you still have not spoken to the customer service representative again, go get another bottle of Tequila and another lime. You obviously still have Salt.
If by some divine intervention, the customer representative does come back on the line after another good ten minutes later to confirm that the company can actually cancel your contract in the stipulated time frame, and asks one more time if you are REALLY, you know, SURE, yell HELL YEA, SWEETY DARLING and when you receive the confirmation that your contract is cancelled, down the second bottle of Tequila straight, because you are finally out of Salt.
The Salt way of doing things?
Yeaaaaaa …. NOPE!
PS: This drinking game may or may not have be inspired by actual events.